Oh, dear reader, how I wish I could put into words the love I have for my babies. Never did I imagine I could be so happy. Growing up, the role of "motherhood" really didn't entice me. I have an amazing mother and mother figures that surrounded me during my childhood, but I was (and still am) a selfish being. I wanted a successful career helping people, better lives, and make lots of money. I wanted to travel to the world and learn of God's beauty. I wanted to spoil myself with Starbucks and home decor. I wanted to spend my evenings out at fancy restaurants with my guy.
Then, I got married...young. Then, I got a job teaching. Then, I got pregnant...young. Two of these life events were not part of my plan. The one event I desperately wanted and wanted to be successful at was teaching. And that ended. The last few years have been very difficult as a SAHM as I watch and listen to my friends love their jobs, travel, look always fashionable, and spend evenings out strengthening their marriages with their husbands. And here I rarely have quality time with my guy, really rarely see him. My teaching license has expired. I've not left the states of Indiana, Missouri, and Wisconsin with my husband (although I was incredibly blessed to visit Washington and Oregon), my clothes are worn and covered in stains.
Yet, over the last few months, I'm more than embracing my role as mother, I'm breathing it and I love it. It's taken a while to reach this point, as growing generally does. That now I dread the day I may have to leave my babes to become successful in a career (a career I'm unsure of). I'll no longer have days of lounging in my jammies for the majority of the day, eating simple meals with my little ones. I'll no longer hear the giggles of toddlers as they run around and around in circles. I'll not longer have the opportunity to snuggle in bed while reading books to my kids as they look into my eyes with such awe and complete dependency. One day, I'll no longer have my children with me.
One day, I'll have that job I grew up planning to have (one that I pray I'm successful at). One day, I'll travel the world with my husband and spend evenings out. One day, I'll have nice, stain-free clothes. And the price? I'll have all of that, everything I had dreamed of, without my children. It will be difficult, I'm sure. But just as God has seen me through the changes of my childhood life plan, I know He'll continue to do the same as the kids grow and leave the nest. Then, I'll be able to look at them and see how God has molded them to be the people He made them to be. What an amazing gift to receive! - and I'm blessed now to watch Him move in the hearts of my little ones right now. Right now, that's enough to ease this momma and swell her heart with peace and love.
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